I gotta start somewhere...

So I created this blog and have been staring at it empty for over a month. My head is still wrapping around so many aspects of this natural process, that I wasn't sure where to start. So I will just talk about what unschooling/lifeschooling is for me at this point and why I feel this is the best path for my family.

I suppose that begins with my own school experience, which I will say was a step up from horrible. School for me was not not just uninspiring (at least until college, where it got more intersting, because I could, on some level, choose what I wanted to learn), it was emotionally unsupportive and a complete distraction from life's realities and my innate ability to discover and nourish my passions. I found myself consistently dealing with bullies, difficulties connecting with others and the struggle to fit in and feel *normal*. My mom tried soulfully to help me. I was put in this school, taken out of that one; Repeat. Our family Doctor had her pull me mid semester in seventh grade as I was having some health problems he believed stemmed from stress. The problem stopped for me soon after school did. Public, private, montessori (by far the best grade school experince I ever had), my mom searched for what would help her daughter. But I believe school was not the answer for me, but at that time, homeschooling was musch more underground and unschooling? What the hell was that?

I dealt with everything. I thought that simply was how life was. But I remember knowing. Just knowing that life for me at that point was filled with deception. Everything felt superficial, surreal. Like this entire experience was a dream. Like we were all missing out on something; Both myself and the girls that used to follow me home from school finding new stimulating ways to taunt and inflict on me what must have been inflicted on them.

Intuitively, I always knew there was more. So I searched. I tried, I failed, I walked paths that led nowhere and came back. I endangered myself, & I went through bouts of giving up. I grew, but it took time to regain my sense of self. I've made many mistakes which stemmed from my inability to connect with the part of me that was constant, although often elusive. But I remained extremely observant and I was blessed with a constant sense of wonder for what was truth beyond the illusory world that surrounded me. I wondered what was behind the eyes of those who crossed my path. I began to understand and feel the pain of my tormentors, we were all trapped in the same prison. It was as if life had no flavor. Everyone was just going through the motions, often hanging on to what ever ritual, belief or custom that gave them solace or distraction. Where was the ever constant bliss? I knew it existed. I'd tasted it before, but it was confined to only *moments* throughout my childhood. But I knew with every fiber of my being, that what I had experienced within those *moments* was pure, blissful, undiluted truth and I would chase it incessantly for the rest of my life.

Fast forward to the more recent, here in my arms this most beautiful precious gift. I could never have imagined the immersion of emotions that, for me, is motherhood. The overwhelming love I felt for my infant son, at times my body just needed to weep as a release. Some call it hormones, yes, but I believe it is also something deeper, something that can't be measured. Something never ending-constant. I would never be the same. This love would transform me, shift my paradigms of thought, as I looked into his eyes, I knew that the world had stood still for me once again, that this beautiful child, my little guru, would guide my husband and I toward that constant bliss we both so yearn for and that I would protect his spirit, his guiding light, his freedom, with the fierceness of a lioness. For this little wrinkly wonder chose us to be his guides. That honor I will carry as the closest to my heart until I depart this earth. His name a constant reminder to my promise. Sage Isilo-Wise Lion.

So here I am, Sage is a bit over 20 months now and I LOVE motherhood! Yes, there are the challenges. Yes, I've been up since 4:00am because my son woke up saying "urt-urt" translation: "I'd like to watch the Planet Earth series right now mom. No, this will not wait until later." I grabbed my blanket, rubbed my sleepy eyes, popped in the DVD and cuddled with my little angel, watching. Watching my life filled with promise.

I must say, I have much to be thankful for. My mom is one of the most amazing people I know. She has always encouraged me to believe that I could do whatever I want in this life. That I was powerful. Courage-passed on from my mom-a promise to Sage. My father encouraged my curiosity about everything around me. He inspired my wonder about the human condition. A blessing that I will always be thankful for. Then there is my sister, who used to sing songs to me as a child that I realized later, I still remember. One that she made up for me, bubbled right up from my unconscious when Sage was first born I sang that song to him. It was like I was a child again. She is also my first introduction to homeschooling. She homeschools 4 children on her own ( Her husband Steve, Also known as Superman, there to support her and their amazing kids.) Watching my sister used to completely baffle me. Why would you create such an exhausting life for yourself? It was a question I would never understand the answer to until Sage was born. The rewards are beyond a measure I could fathom until motherhood fell upon me. Thanks for all your patience Joss. Thanks for all the music. Thanks for the inspiration. And my brother Jay, who has a subtle wisdom, easily missed by those who don't take the time to delve deeper. He has taught me much over the years- about love, patience and faith. Thanks little brother. Finally, and recently into my life, my cousin Joss (My sister's namesake.) Who lifeschools her children. She has been instrumental in helping me navigate the process of deschooling myself, and allowing me a glimpse at the life of an unschooling family. It was brave for an African American woman to follow path she did. Thanks to both my Joss' for paving the way.

Whew-so I finally got the first post done. (Although I noticed that I never got to why I felt unschooling was the best path for my family-but the boy is waking up-so to be continued...) This will, I hope, be the beginning of many. It has always felt good to me to write; I find morsels of truth throughout the process. So, may this blog be a part of my journey towards keeping the promise made to my son, and my family throughout this wondrous journey of life...